Sunday, 28 March 2010

Satirists from all over the country met up this morning for a crisis meeting to try to ascertain which celebrity they would be aiming their sharpened quills at next.

The meeting came as internet stats showed that the current staples of satirical barbs were starting to bore an ever more sophisticated and demanding readership.

There was general agreement that satirical websites should start to cut ties with Cheryl Cole, Susan Boyle, Lady Gaga, Kristin stewart and Robert Pattinson and home in on new, as yet relatively untapped targets.

Among the potential new targets were Sarah Harding out of Girls Aloud who does nothing much apparently, other than wear bikinis, Pixie Lott, who it was agreed showed a degree of promise, Rupert Grint - out of Harry Potter - who has been displaying some interesting hitherto unknown proclivities recently, and Taylor Swift, who is well known for her occasional warblings and not being very well endowed in the cup size stakes.

One interesting suggestion as a source of untapped Spoofery was 19 year old, British, Harry Potter actress, Emma Watson, who plays Hermione and is the most bankable female star in the movie business.

Sadly Watson was dismissed as a leading target, with great reluctance it must be said because she isn't knocking off a Premier League footballer, isn't covered in tattoos, tends to keep her own counsel rather than talking utter bollocks to the world, and hasn't been papped pissed up falling out of nightclubs in the early hours and revealing that she's not wearing underwear as she clambers into the back of a taxi.

Which disappointingly only left the One Show's Christine Bleakley, who may or may not be having a fling with Chelsea footballer Frank Lampard, but isn't telling either way.

Which quite frankly is a bit of a pisser.

"Emma Watson is still my favourite," one satirist told us. "Problem is, she's just not sordid enough. But fuck it, we can always make shit up about her like we did with all the others."

More as we get it.