ust when things were looking up for multi-millionaire film star Taylor Lautner, his entire world has suddenly collapsed.

As the clock ticked past midnight and Lautner turned nineteen, he was told that his chances of getting into bed with Emma Watson this summer had suddenly been downgraded to one in ten million.

After signing his contract to play opposite Emma in the new sci-fi prison movie 'Incarceron', Lautner was quietly informed that Miss Watson had successfully negotiated a 'no nudity' clause to be written into hers.

"This is a complete disaster", moaned Lautner. "I'd planned my whole summer around having a relationship with Emma. Then she has to go and do a thing like this".

"You've got to admit, it's a bit a kick in the teeth", agreed Lautner's pal Robert Pattinson. "I mean, a guy tries to organise these things in a straightforward honest way. Why do girls always have to go and complicate matters"?